Using approval as a guide and not as a master

by Ashvini on October 31, 2012 · 3 comments

in General

Waiting for approval has been an ingrained process in our life. We seek approval from everyone around us before embarking on anything that is considered risky .

Seeking approval is often a way of bringing the past  and doubts back into the planning for future. It is about acting cautious at those junctures where boldness may be needed. “Once bitten twice shy” is what sums it up.

The fact that, past  often hurts more than it helps, it is better to identify the relevant and discard the irrelevant. Experience need not act as the only driver in doing something new.

The prospect of pleasure is often less rewarding that the promise of easing pain. That is why more products are created for easing pain than enhancing happiness.

It is simply quite difficult and time taking to create something that seeks to increase happiness .

That is where experience wins over new ideas. That is where the future yields to pasts. Because future is unknown and is thus presumed to be scary ( from our tendency to flight or fight). Thus the whole point of seeking approval rests on the fact, that everyone has been informed and now if one takes risk , he or she has probably everyone on board.

While I am not saying that being reckless or taking risks without oversight is good but depending on approval of others before making a decision that one feels right is simply not effective. History is full of examples of innovation where scientists/engineers/common people have gone against the grain to do something , they believed in.

Experience is for learning from our well wishers. The moment though we allow experience to become our master , we lose sight of what is new and exciting.  Let experience and approvals be our guides and not our controllers.

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JanBierens November 3, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I’s only common for people to seek approval for anything they are doing. BUT. if you depend on that to much, it shows you are unsure of your own capabilities, but that’s just my opinion.
If every time the visitors number of my blog go down and I would wonder why that is, I would be questioning whether I’m doing a good job. That serves no purpose and is counter – productive…

Ashvini Kumar Saxena November 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Hi Jan,

In societies like mine, approval is an important part when we do something. Fortunately that is changing and youngster are really doing things by themselves. Yes too much approval seeking is a sign of under-confidence and it stops people from achieving something good.
My traffic keeps going up and down. I have stopped worrying about it from long. Instead like you I concentrate on doing the right things.

Thanks for your comment. Always appreciated :)

Jeevan Jacob John November 3, 2012 at 1:10 am

It’s one of those grey area issues, isn’t it?

I personally think that it depends upon the person and our relationship with him/her (for instance: If the person is our parent, then we should definitely think over what they have to say. If a person is a stranger that we met online, well, we probably shouldn’t listen to them that much – unless the person is an authority on the particular topic of discussion).

My motto is to listen – but, we don’t have to use them as our master. Listen to what others have to say, think over it (but, don’t let their opinion discourage us from making a change that can help us to achieve our goal. We also want to be careful of taking risks – calculated risks, right?)

Anyways, great topic of discussion!

Thank you Ashvini :)

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